Introduction

 Introduction

Islam is a complete way of life. Islam provides guidance and regulations for even the private moments of a Muslim’s life. In the collective of Ahadith and Seerah of Rasulullah (Sallallahualay-hi-wassallam) there are numerous incidents and occasions when his companions came forward and enquired from him about matters related to private life and it’s problems. Even the womenfolk from his followers came forward and enquired with regard to matters that are related to marital life and it’s private issues. They did not feel ashamed or shy to learn the truth, nor did our Rasulullah Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam)feel ashamed to expound the truth as the  Quran Majeed says: “And Allah (Azza-wa-Jall) does not feel ashamed of the Haqq.” [33/53]

It is thus clear that there is nothing wrong in learning or discussing matters related to marriage and sex for the sake of educating ourselves Islamically. Today when the world is realizing the importance of  “sex education” in their crude and rude outlook, then why should we as Muslims feel ashamed of reveling Islam’s decent and refined teachings in this field? 

Due to constant exposure to pornographic material and other shameless literature, many Muslims have overstepped the limits of Shariah in the fulfillment of their sexual lusts and desires and thus brought upon themselves the harms of this world and the next, particularly in the form of certain deadly diseases, illnesses and infections. Many of them are blissfully unaware that there are any Islamic injunctions in this regard and due to sheer ignorance of Islamic regulations have transgressed the Laws of Shariah, thus causing harm and injury not only to themselves, but even to their partners and their yet unborn off-spring as the pages ahead will reveal.

Thus a need was felt to educate the Muslim public, particularly our younger generation and especially those prospective young couples that are on the threshold of entering into the sacred bond of nikah, in this often-neglected aspect of Islam, in order that their health and marital bond remain intact and protected from all harms and sorrow. It is hoped that every couple and couple-to-be will benefit greatly from this booklet. Insha-Allah.

Finally, a word regarding the material content of this book. The contents of this book have been extracted from authentic sources as the bibliography will reveal, Insha-Allah. The advices and observations on this topic are the result of years of experience, deep in sight and the spiritual foresight of our pious and wise elders, predecessors and Ulema. To cast any aspersions on their words and teachings would be tantamount to doubting their integrity and erudition. None who claims to be a true Muslim has the right to such presumptuousness. If the atheistic western scientists and their worshippers find any of these teachings to be non conformant to their “research and findings”, it is of no significance or concern to us. The “ever changing nature” of own their theories is proof enough of the flimsiness and uncertainty of their teachings, which are nothing but conjectural pastimes as far as we are concerned. The mocking, jeering and sneering of such people should be discarded with the contempt it deserves. The teachings of our great luminaries is and will always remain dear and precious to us. Insha-Allah.

May Allah (Azza-wa-Jall) make their booklet a means of reward and savior for this humble servant and make it a means of guidance and benefit to His sincere and obedient servants. Aameen. 

Etiquettes of the First Night

In the ideal Islamic situation, the husband and wife will most probably be total strangers to each other, having no kind of personal contact with each other previously due to the strict laws of hijab and pardah in the Shariah,. Coupled with this feeling of strangeness are the natural constraints of haya and modesty, that form an integral part of Imaan. Under the particular circumstances it is quite natural that both the husband and wife will be extremely bashful of each other and under considerable strain and anxiety.

In order to “break the ice”, they firstly greet each other with the traditional Islamic greetings of salaam. Thereafter the husband should gently place his right hand on his bride’s forehead and recite 

Translation:- “O Allah! I ask you of her goodness, the good within her and the goodness upon which she was created. I seek Your protection from her evil, the evil within her and the evil upon which she was created”. 

Thereafter, wudhu and two rakats of salatul-Hajah maybe offered as a token of gratitude and thereby requesting assistance from Allah (Rabbul-Izzrat) for a successful and blessed marriage, pious offspring etc.

Thereafter, they may read some Deeni literature to each other particularly on the topic of Nikah, etc. In this regard Kitabun-Nikah, Hayatul-Muslimeen, etc are excellent material to study. If time and opportunity permits, this booklet should be read from cover to cover once at least on the first night. 

One point of great importance that many newly wed, inexperienced men overlook is the importance of extreme gentleness and tenderness on the first night and during the first sexual encounter. Many are under the false notion that gentleness is against “manliness” and the harm and damage that is done to the relationship on the first night due to this foolish notion, has it’s impact on the marriage for months and years to come. During the initial stages of sexual union a virgin generally undergoes considerable anxiety and pain, which results in fear. During such a time the husband must take great care and consideration in his movements and behaviour towards his bride. 

One more point of caution to the husband is never to harbour unnecessary suspicions against the wife if for some reason it “appeared” that she was not a virgin. This is a sin. It is forbidden to harbour ill-thoughts about the next Muslim merely on the basis of such conjectures. And worse still is to make her a target of abuse and oppression on this ground. This is Zulm (oppression) and a major sin. There are many reasons a girl could lose her “hymen”, the tissue of virginity-reasons that could be substantiated medically such as heavy flows during menstruation, illness, falling, jumping excessive, horse-riding, certain sporting activities, ageing etc.